Let me first start off by saying, I’m not a sociopath- or at least I’m pretty sure I’m not?
As I type this, I am 31 years old, going on 32 in a month, and I can count the number of times I’ve seriously cried on both hands. (Or at least that I remember.)
There is a joke among my family and friends, that I am rather void of emotion. I basically have two extremes: normal and angry. (Don’t worry the normal heavily outweighs the angry.) So what this means, is I don’t really cry.
To me, crying as full on tears down the face, Kim Kardashian, ugly face, letting loose crying.
That being said, I shouldn’t say I don’t EVER cry. Because I have, a few times, during some pretty horrible times in my life. One of them being a complete breakdown in my car in a gas station parking lot. But that lasted all of about 5 minutes…
Happy crying has happened to me twice, the night I saw Stevie Nicks, and then the night I saw Black Sabbath (Yes I swear i’m 31, I’m just an old man when it comes to music.). I’m also counting on one more time here soon when my best friend gets married. Let’s all take bets on if that truly happens or not. That is a WHOLE other world to me, happy crying.
I get it, I get the whole tears of joy thing, but I guess my brain just doesn’t react that way unless I see my favorite rock & roll gods and goddesses in the flesh.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those assholes who thinks crying is a sign of weakness, because I’m not and it’s not. I just don’t do it or understand it.
I can tell you right now that I’ve taken care of people my whole teenage/adult life. I’ve never wanted kids and never do want them, but I do have “maternal instincts”, that are rooted into my friends and family.
So, in that, I think my brain has hardwired itself to “be the strong one.”
And please, don’t pity me, or tell me “it’s okay to let go” or that crying is natural. Because I’ve heard it all before. And I know all that, I’ve just bypassed it. I’m generally a very happy person. I don’t have any deep-seated emotional trauma, I just simply move pass crying and onto problem solving and trying to ensure those around me are okay and taken care of. That doesn’t mean however, I am used to, or deal super well with my loved ones crying in front of me.
When someone cries in front of me I go almost go into a weird survival mode and I don’t really know what to do or I just won’t do anything.
I’m the one that -depending on the type of crying you are doing- will just try to talk to you about the situation to get more information, show you funny/cute pictures, and pretty much just wait out the tear storm.
I’m that girl that will pet you with a broom from 2 ft away while you’re sobbing.
Or I’ll akwardly hug you like the end of Harry Potter when Voldemort hugs Draco.
And because I’ve been “the boss” of plenty of people in my retail life, I can tell you also I see a lot of bullshit crying to get out of trouble. That’s a big ol’ nope on that one.
I do try my hardest to be empathetic with those around me, feelings in general are kind of a foreign concept, but sympathy is something I’m good at.
I will always be there for people, I will always TRY to be empathetic as well, but I’ve definitely always been know as a great ear to bend.
Moral of the story…
I just don’t do it, really, but it’s cool if you do.
Meanwhile, I’ll just be over here, being awkward until you’re done 🙂
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